I am so pleased to announce that my interview with Chrystal Rice Cooper about the creation of my poem “A History of Hardtack (in One Sentence)” has been featured on her blog as part of her  wonderful ongoing series called “BACKSTORY OF THE POEM” (being an uninformed idiot, I just discovered it has already been published for almost a month in the wee hours of this morning). Having interviewed poets myself as part of the Virtual Poetorium, I have to say it was such an honor and a delight to be finally on the other end of the process. You can check out the entire interview along with plenty of relevant photos on her blog here:

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2021/03/paul-szloseks-history-of-hardtack-in.html

In order to entice you to click on the above link, I’m posting the poem here which was the subject of the interview: “A History of Hardtack (in One Sentence)” that first appeared in Silkworm 12: Survival in 2019 (I’m hoping after reading it, you will be intrigued enough to want to learn more about it’s unusual origin)…

A History of Hardtack (in One Sentence)

Centuries ago, twice, thrice, or quadruple baked
rock-like slabs of flour, water, and sometimes salt
known as hardtack, brewis, pilot bread, sea biscuits,
ship’s crackers, (or disparagingly) sheet iron, molar breakers
and worm castles filled the holds of most seafaring vessels
(along with daily rations of beer or rum), sustaining
royal sailors and merchant mariners, pirates and privateers,
whalers and fishermen, sea dogs and old salts,
the hardiest of men, who endured perilous ocean voyages
lasting multiple fortnights crossing the Atlantic
and Pacific through squalls and dead calm,
while I now stand rubber-legged on the bow of a ferry,
clutching a wax paper sleeve of their frail descendants,
unsalted saltines, which I nibble as I sip from a can of flat Coke
in an attempt to quell a tsunami of queasiness in my stomach,
praying to both Neptune and Nabisco that I be allowed
to survive this hour-long excursion across the bay
from Boston Harbor to George’s Island.

—Paul Szlosek (Originally Published in Silkworm 12: Survival)

Thanks so much for reading!

In honor of Poetry Month, here is another invented poetry form of my own creation (in my own biased opinion, along with the Streetbeatina and the Hodgenelle, probably one of my best), the Ziggurat…

The Ziggurat is a 14-line poem of 4 stanzas. Like the hay(na)ku, it is isoverbal, meaning its lines’ lengths are measured by the number of words instead of syllables or meter (thus my original name for it was the “Isoverbal Sonnet”). The first stanza is two lines of two words a piece, the second is 3 lines of 3 words apiece, the third is 4 lines of 4 words apiece, and the fourth and final is 5 lines of 5 words apiece.  Each stanza uses a different monorhyme, thus the rhyme scheme can be expressed as aa bbb cccc dddd. Also another rule is the title must always consist of just one word.

The form derives it name from its shape when centered on a page, which somewhat resembles a ziggurat, the terraced step pyramid found in ancient Mesopotamia. I am no longer a fan of that style of presentation for a poem, but here is one of my ziggurats in that format so you can get the idea.

Recital

King Kong’s
singing songs

of unrequited love
like a dove
perched high above

the congested city traffic.
His audience – half hick
tourists, half urbanites, photographic
opportunists who laugh, click

snapshots. Their catcalls, derision increased
until crestfallen Kong’s crooning ceased.
Today, all across the Northeast,
headlines proclaim “APE BARITONE – DECEASED!
BAD REVIEWS KILLED THE BEAST!”

The very first and so far the only ziggurat to appear in print is the following which was originally published last year in Star*Line, the Journal of the Science Fiction Poetry Association  (the editor even included a note explaining that the poem was a ziggurat, a form of my own invention):

Thaumaturgy

To reverse
any curse,

you simply bless
the resulting mess
that occurs, unless

things get really drastic.
Suppose Time becomes elastic
and alternative pasts stick
together like cheap plastic

toys fused by intense heat.
Unique events begin to repeat
themselves. Parallel chronologies collide, compete.
Ain’t any way to defeat
Chaos. My expert advice? Retreat!

Due to the apparent comical nature of its monorhyme, I originally thought that the ziggurat was only suited for light verse and humorous subjects. But after reading “Forget-Me-Not” by John Hodgen (one of my favorite poets), and seeing how masterly he used the monorhyme for great effect in his heart-breaking poem about the death of his brother from cancer, I have had a change of heart. Here are two I wrote about “Death” and “Depression”, probably two of the most serious matters I can think of (please let me know if you feel these two poems work or if the ziggurat should just be reserved for Ogden Nash-style frivolity):

Funereal

No surprise-
everybody dies,

even me, you,
the President too.
We can’t sue,

stop Death by force.
Like a thoroughbred horse,
Life runs its course.
The finish (a source .

of sorrow for our friends)
is certain, although one pretends
it’s not, that it depends
on changeable circumstances, unpredictable trends.
A good story always ends.

Depressive

Not only
The lonely

Suffer the blues.
Even joyous news
Can often confuse

Us make us cry.
Don’t ask me why.
Psychological mysteries that lie
Unexplained aren’t solved by

Scientific process or rational thought.
Melancholy is a battle fought
Within the soul, a shot
Of emotion, cold then hot.
Sometimes we’re happy – sometimes not.

This last one was written many years ago as part of “Poets in the Gallery” project at the Worcester Art Museum during an exhibit on Abstract Art & Expressionism:

Anti-Abstraction

Let’s subtract
the Abstract

from all Fine
Art and redefine
Color and Line

as simply tools meant
to help artists represent
Reality, not to invent
some pretentious, psychologically bent

vision of Heaven or Hell.
Arguments for Abstraction don’t jell.
What? You’re trying to tell
me Pollack (splattering paint pell-mell)
was superior to Norman Rockwell?

So what is your opinion of this form, my friends? Do you agree with me that the ziggurat is one of the best that I have created or did I truly miss the mark this time? I sincerely hope that you enjoyed reading about it along with my humble examples today, and that perhaps you will even try the ziggurat yourself. If you do, I can practically guarantee you will have a great deal of fun, and be pleasantly pleased with your results.

Dear Readers,

I am very pleased to announce that this month, my co-host Ron Whittle and I will be producing our ninth edition of the Virtual Poetorium (the tenth, if you count our special holiday Ho-hoetorium last December) with the one and only Eugenie Steinman (author of Persimmon: Poems and Recipes and popular host of the call-in radio program Radio Jail) as our featured poet. Like we did last month, I’d like to  once again open up this April’s Virtual Poetorium for anyone who would like to participate and invite all my fellow bloggers and faithful readers (or just anyone just happening to read this) to be a part of our unique online poetry gathering in print.

To be part of our virtual open mic, please send us one of your own original poems or stories (under 2000 words please) either in a Word document file or pasted in the body of an email along with your name, any opening remarks you care to make, and where your poem has appeared if it was previously published to poetorium@mail.com  by Friday, April 23rd. Also if you like, you can send us a photo of yourself to be posted above your poem, but that is totally optional.

Once again, we also need contributions to this month’s Poetorium Group poem, but to keep it fresh, we are changing it up a bit. To participate this month, please send us three separate lines with each starting with the phrase “A Poem Is… “.  The end word of each line also must rhyme with the words ” tea” or “fee”.  The reason we are requesting three separate lines is in case we receive duplicate or very similar lines and we need to make substitutions, but be assured at least one of your lines (if not all three) will be compiled and included in this month’s Virtual Poem. As always, all contributions will remain anonymous (unless otherwise requested). Like in the open mic, the deadline for submissions is the night of Friday, April 23rd.

We will also be continuing our monthly writing challenge in which we invite you to write in a different flash fiction or poetic form each month. This month’s challenge is to write some New-Style Twitterature, which are short stories written in 280 characters or less (this includes letters, numbers, and punctuation marks, but not spaces) – the same limit length of the most recent version of a tweet (as an alternative, you can also write Old-Style Twitterature which are just 140 characters or less  which was the length of a tweet before Twitter changed the rules). Please send us your best efforts by Friday, April 23rd to be included in this month’s Virtual Poetorium.

If you have any questions about submitting to the virtual open mic, the group Poetorium poem, the writing challenge, or anything else about the Virtual Poetorium itself, please leave them in the comments of this post, and I will try to answer them right away.

Thank you so very much for reading, my friends! I really appreciate everyone’s continued support of this blog, and hope to hear from you soon with your contributions to this month’s edition of the Virtual Poetorium!

Dear Readers,

Here is the One-Year Anniversary Edition of the Virtual Poetorium from last night reposted from the Poetorium website @ poetorium.home.blog. I want to thank my fellow bloggers Brad Osborne for being our featured poet, and Ken Ronkowitz & Diane Puterbaugh for graciously accepting my invitation to participate which I previously posted on this blog. I know it’s quite a long read, but I hope you will enjoy it…

The Virtual Poetorium March 30, 2021

RON: Okay, people, please find your seats now, and we’ll get the Poetorium started.  Well, the biggest news for us is we have lost our venue due to COVID19.  We will have to find a new home when things open back up again.  If anyone has any ideas,  could please you let either Paul or myself know?

I’m going to start with an opening poem as I usually do.  This poem is called “I Am Half the Sea and Half the Storms Gale”.

I Am Half the Sea and Half the Storm’s Gale

I am a brother to the Moon
a tidal child
forever wondering
the call of the rising surf
And being by the sea 
is like an ongoing baptism
where your soul is washed clean
and can roam with the earth’s 
ever rising tides
We may be limited by
the borders of our skin
but there are no borders
barriers, or limits
put on our minds
And I have seen the sea
in ways our eyes can not perceive
where words could neither
define nor explain
and even though my heart
may wander
my soul will always be
one with the sea

— Ron Whittle (Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, USA 2020)

Before I turn this over to Paul,  I hope that all of our followers have managed to stay clear of the COVID19 bug.  If not, I hope you now are over it and safe and sound.

Paul, I know you got some things up your sleeve.  Do you want to take over for now?

PAUL:  Thanks, Ron, I do. Now, normally I would be presenting the “Mystery Poet” segment at this time, but I think we will be dispensing with that portion of the show tonight, perhaps even permanently. What do you think, folks? Is the “Mystery Poet” something that you enjoy, or is it time to give it the old heave-ho? Maybe you would like us to bring back the “Dead Poet Tribute” or do you have another idea for something else for us to do? Please let us know your opinion because we want to make the Poetorium the best poetry show possible, and we need your feedback to do that.

With that being said, I think we really do have a pretty great show for you tonight with a fantastic line-up of poets in our open mic (including someone who traveled all the way from the great State of Tennessee to make their Poetorium debut) and an amazing feature by the fabulous poet and blogger Brad Osborne (some of you may remember Brad from his appearance at our special Virtual Ho-ho-etorium last December). Ron and I will be bringing Brad up to the stage so we can sit down and interview him in just a little bit, but I have a few observations and announcements to make before we do.

First of all, I am proud to announce that tonight marks the one year anniversary of the Virtual Poetorium. Believe it or not, we first launched this virtual version way back in March of last year when the pandemic first began, and we were no longer able to continue the live Poetorium shows. Unbelievably, the number of Virtual Poetoriums have now surpassed the amount of live sessions we have done. Hopefully, we will get back to meeting in person in the very near future, but until then, Ron and I are committed to keep churning out this very unique online poetry show in print. Thank you everyone for your continued participation and support!

Also Ron and I received some great news about Anne Marie Lucci, the Poetorium’s very own official caterer and baker of blond brownies  that we are dying to share with you all. Anne Marie, could you please stand up…we don’t want to embarrass her, but we are so proud and happy to have heard that her poem “The April Fool in Us All” is being published in the baseball-themed commemorative edition of  the Worcester County Poetry Associations irregular anthology series The Issue which will be entitled “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” and distributed to every attendee of the opening day game of the Polar Park Worcester Red Sox! So let’s all give her a big hand and be sure to congratulate her when you next talk to her.

And now, I will stop blabbing and get on with the show! As I mentioned earlier this evening, we are so pleased to have the one and only Brad Osborne as our featured poet at the Virtual Poetorium tonight, Before we call him up to the virtual stage to be interviewed, I’d like to tell you a little more about Brad:

Brad Osborne, a highly decorated Marine combat veteran and poet living in Pennsylvania, is a contributing editor and member of The American Poets Society.His poetry has been published in “The Gettysburg Historical Review”, “NY Naval Quarterly”, “Tempest Poetic Society Journal”, and the anthology “Expressions” by The American Poets Society. His works have been featured online by Spillwords Press NYC, The Navy Times, Reader’s Digest, Healthy Living, Meditations, and many others. He was awarded Anna Rabinowitz Prize by the Poet Society of America for 2015, the Silver Medal for Poetry by the Pennsylvania Poetry Review for 2009 and was a finalist for the Buckner Award in Poetry for 2017. Having traveled the world in youth, Brad now resides in the rural beauty of central Pennsylvania, a boon to his two great passions, poetry, and motorcycling. Both of which seem to add all the flair a happy life requires. He is currently editing his first book of poetry “Reticent Ink”, which he hopes to publish soon.

Please welcome to our virtual stage, Brad Osborne!

RON:  Brad, We do this so that we can get to better know all of our guest speakers. It was something that both Paul and I agreed on from the very beginning. Most poetry events never let us get to know the Poet, the man or woman. So we decided it was high time that someone should do this. So with that in mind, here is my first question… Who is Brad Osborne?

BRAD: First, let me thank you both for the honor of attending. I am excited to be among such talented artists. There is not much to tell. I lead simple life where my day job working data maintenance for a national medical provider supports my hobbies and a comfortable lifestyle. I am single and the kids are all grown, so I have a great deal of “me” time. Though my writing consumes a great part of that.

RON: What was it that got you started writing?

BRAD: I have always been enthralled by the written language. My mother was an English teacher who also proofread for Doubleday when I was young, and I grew up in a house that looked like a library. I was completely captivated by the power of the written word. I would say my own writing started as a way of understanding my own thoughts and feelings, as in their articulation I found great insight about who I was, and more importantly, who I wanted to be.

RON: Who are your favorite poets and why?

BRAD: I love Whitman for his blending of the transcendental with overt realism. Maya Angelou for pushing verse into the next century. I also favor Langston Hughes for his ability to evoke a passionate response. But my favorite of all is Dylan Thomas, whom I consider a master of the rhythmic ballad.

RON: If you had one thing to tell aspiring poets to do, what would that be?

BRAD: Read every piece of poetry you find.

RON: What would you call the type of poetry that you write?

BRAD: I would consider most of my works to be classical in style. Often form driven with a great penchant for lyricism. But I have also written in the historical narrative for a few published pieces.

RON: Outside of poetry and blogging, what other interests do you have?

BRAD: I am an avid motorcyclist and a voracious reader. One hobby for when it is sunny out and one for one it is not. Add to that the time I spend writing, and all the “me” time I talked about vanishes quickly. I also find the time to spend with friends and family who are my greatest joy in life.

RON:  Would you please tell us about your family life and where you live?

BRAD: Well, I have already talked about the excitement that is my somewhat monastic life, so let me talk about where I live. I reside in the tiny town of Shiremanstown, a suburb of the capitol Harrisburg in central Pennsylvania. I love it here, as it is only a ten-minute drive to all the amenities a big city can offer, such as theatre, galleries, museums, music, dining, etc. Or ten minutes the other direction and you are in the middle of quiet Amish farmland amongst the beauty of nature. That is what I call having a balanced life.

RON:  Do you ever write any humorous poetry. If so, would you share it with us?

BRAD: I am planning to present a couple of humorous poems tonight. The “Life in Contradiction” is quite lengthy, but I am also including “Poetry” which is shorter and a light-hearted look at our art.

RON: Paul do you have any questions you’d like to ask Brad?

PAUL: Yes, thank you,  Ron. I do… Brad, I realize Ron has already asked you about your favorite poets, but which ones do you feel, if any, has most influenced your own writing?

BRAD: I think Dylan Thomas is a favorite because it was within his poems, at some very early point in reading, that I realized the power of well-written poetry. It was likely the first time I was moved to tears by mere written words. That certainly provoked in me a desire to touch others in a similar way.

PAUL:  As you already know, Brad (but the audience probably does not), we first met on the internet through our perspective blogs. Yours, Commonsensibly Speaking, is such an absolute pleasure to read, filled with such astonishing poetry and thoughtful insights. What inspired you to first start blogging?

BRAD: I think like most artists, I started as way to gauge the strength of my writing. Both editorially, which my early blog posts included, and poetically once my blog moved to be strictly poetic works. I was looking for feedback and criticism to improve my skills. But the sense of community and support made it much more. I was introduced to aspiring poets from all over the world and found such wonderful poetry out there that I may have otherwise never seen. I have had the privilege to collaborate with established poets and mentor young writers finding their voice. I have been refreshed to find that my struggles at writing are not uncommon and never permanent. And it has afforded me the connections to be so greatly honored by being here today.

PAUL: Do you have any expert advice for novices who might like to try own their hand at blogging?

BRAD: I sure do, as I have been at this for some time.

1. It does not cost anything. My entire blog is free.
2. Do not be afraid to change direction. My site grew into being exclusively poetry, but even I am not sure what it may grow into next. I have started series and killed series. It is and always will be a work in progress.
3. As with any web site, most platforms provide a ton of metrics on views, visitors, likes and assorted minutia. Pay them little attention. Take the long view. Only after you have been writing for a number of months can you even begin to start to see trending.
4. Read other blogs, like their pages, leave comments, ask questions, and otherwise engage with others on the platform. It builds your support community, exposes you to other inspirational writing and increases your exposure.
5. Last, but most important, be consistent. If you are only going to post infrequently, readers will not make coming to your blog a habit. I have other bloggers, like Paul, that I follow and read every day. Personally, I have had a blog post every day for nearly a year and a half. My readers know they can always find me and that the post will be about poetry. You don’t have to be that committed, but you should be consistent.

PAUL:  One thing we both seem to have in common is a deep, almost passionate interest in poetic forms, which you share with your readers on your blog in your weekly feature “Whittled Words”. What do you feel are the advantages of working in a specific form?

BRAD:  Paul, we do share that inordinate passion for the beauty that is form poetry. Over the course of my “Whittled Word” series, I have visited and written in nearly sixty different forms of poetry thus far. Within each form we find the building blocks of all great poetry, creatively placed to impose tempo, timbre, and tone. From the hendecasyllabic lilt of the Strambotto to the sweet refrains of the Ode. From the Shakespearean siloloqy to the brevity of Hiaku. Everything each of us writes is some creative restructuring of the forms which have proceeded us. I also find the work and challenge of writing to these classic forms is what sharpens my ability to create, regardless of what I am writing.

PAUL:  Are there any poetry forms that you personally prefer to write, and if so, which ones?

BRAD: I would never be able to choose one over another. They all have beautiful frameworks for well-chosen words. But I am a sucker for a good refrain.

PAUL:  Another regular series you have on your blog is “Tuesday Tidbits” in which you share your own original quotes about poetry, writing, and life. I just love these, there are so chock-full with incredible wisdom and insight expressed in such clever ways? Could you  please share with us your process on how you go about writing them?

BRAD: Thank you for mentioning the series, Paul. Readers have certainly enjoyed it each week. I find writing the quotations to be some of the most fun and creative writing I get to do. There is not much of a process. I take the common struggles we all have as writers and deliver them in the same conversational tone as I would if speaking to a friend. I find it a beautiful blend of editorializing and free verse. And as with any writing, that commonality allows the reader to see themselves in the words and thus a connection. I do enjoy finding witty ways to tell them what they already know.

PAUL:  If you don’t mind, Brad, I’d like to conclude this interview with one of your fabulous quotations on poetry or writing. Do you have a favorite one that you could recite for us now?

BRAD: “It is incalculable to determine the number of word combinations in any one language. It is in this infinity where creativity takes hold, and the writer tries to add up all their words and make them equal something.”

Thank you, Ron and Paul, and my humble thanks to everyone here. It has been my great privilege.

RON: You are very welcome, Brad!  So unless someone in the audience has a question… no?…well then, I guess that concludes the interview portion of our program. Brad, thank you so much for a really fantastic and fascinating interview! Now, folks, please give our guest speaker Brad Osborne a huge round of applause as he takes to the podium to present his poetry…

BRAD:

Aboard an Autumn Ship

Though the days grow short
With harvest solstice passed
The changing air still courts
A warmth that seems to last

Greenery remains aloft
As yet to take the plunge
And dapples mountain far as soft
As painter’s well-worn sponge

Snap now fingers of morning air
The frost will be here soon
Fear I loss of sun so fair
Save for the beautiful moon

Oh, the joy of summer days
Remembered to the last
I knew that you could not stay
But have forsaken me too fast

This omen of impending cold
Colored tapestry of new fall
Like seasons growing ever old
You hear the reaper’s call

Bounty, bosom, and harvest shared
Fields readied for their sleep
From winter’s touch may I be spared
The friend in you I keep

But as all seasons come and go
I know you’ll leave me too
Like call of morning rooster’s crow
What else are you to do

In days ‘tween summer’s heat
And winter’s deathly grip
Warm winds fill sailor’s sheet
Aboard an autumn ship

—Brad Osborne

In the Hush

The dawn whispers good morning
Peeking above the mountain covers
Holding the dreams of silent lovers
A childish orb playing timid for show

Reluctantly it rises, the world yawning
And as it crests the peaks of height
Pushing back all trace of night
There I, warmed by the loving glow

It will rise to command the skies
Yet, now in the small of days
A single ray, sets to blaze
The meadow, wildflower rainbow

The reds, the blues, the vibrant hues
Glisten for this morning kiss
A moment of heavenly bliss
Nature in all her beauty bestowed

So, pass each day now, as you must
For etched is well my memory
By such a rare gift given me
In the hush, before sun grows

—Brad Osborne

Life in Contradiction

They say, “Look before you leap”,
A moment to consider cost.
But don’t dare fall asleep,
For “He who hesitates is lost”.

“If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try again”, damn it all.
It may be a much kinder friend indeed,
Saying, “Don’t beat your head against a wall”.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”,
No sweeter words will you ever find.
But you will be left to ponder,
Why is “out of sight, out of mind”.

“Two heads are better than one”,
Or, at least, some say that’s true.
But any father would encourage son,“
Paddle your own canoe”.

And, if it true, that “haste makes waste”,
And we should take the time we can.
Then why are we constantly faced,
With the fact, “time waits for no man”.

We’re still learning how the human mind ticks,
And “you’re never too old to learn”.
But, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”,
When just remembering is a concern.

Yes, “a word to the wise is sufficient”,
A meaning so profound and deep.
But it may be considered deficient,
For we all agree that “talk is cheap”.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child”,
If it is obedience that you seek.
But, in the same text is filed,
“Turn the other cheek”.

You should “hitch your wagon to a star”,
Adventure into the something new.
But if you choose to travel that far,
“Don’t bite off more that you can chew”.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover”,
Try not to, if you can.
But, if you’re looking for a lover,
Then the “clothes make the man”.

“The squeaky wheel gets the grease”,
As if some attention is beholden.
But it is when the noise does cease,
That we remember, “silence is golden”.

“Birds of a feather flock together”,
But don’t let that well detract.
For the tethered wisdom of another,
Would say, “Opposites attract”.

“Winners never quit”,
Keep going until you’re dead.
But, if you’ve had enough of it,
At least, “quit while you’re ahead”.

“Actions speak louder than words”,
On that we can find some accord.
But there are other words I have heard,
“The pen is mightier than the sword”.

“Many hands make light work”,
Woe to the deadly sin of sloth.
But, is that where the real evil lurks,
If “too many cooks spoil the broth”.

“Better safe than sorry”,
Good prudence is explained.
But life is like a safari,
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

And, “it’s not the size of the boat,
But the motion of the ocean”.
Though the idea doesn’t seem to float,
If “the bigger, the better” is a notion.

Acceptance found in the tenet,
“Whatever will be, will be”.
But, “life is what you make of it”,
Unacceptance given by decree.

“Cross your bridges when you come to them”.
Your fears and anxieties will be disarmed.
Lack of preparation may leave you wanting then,
For being “forewarned is forearmed”.

“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander”,
That’s what the farmer had told Roy’s son,
Yet I can say to you with great candor,“
One man’s meat is another man’s poison”.

They say, “The more, the merrier”,
Till the party gets too loud.
And sometimes it is a barrier,
Because “two’s company and three’s a crowd”.

“Seek and ye shall find”,
And as simple is all that.
It somehow brings to mind,
That “curiosity killed the cat”.I

f you want to avoid any social rifts,
“Never look a gift horse in the mouth”.
But, “beware of Greeks bearing gifts”,
Rolling up to the gate in the south.“

The best things in life are free”,
Or, at least, that was someone’s hunch.
They live a different life than me,
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch”.

“A penny saved is a penny earned”,
Ben Franklin spoke so bullish.
Another lesson that can be learned,
“Penny wise, pound foolish”.

We are told, “Stop and smell the roses”,
Don’t let life pass as a loss.
But as their scent fills our noses,“
A rolling stone gathers no moss”.

They say, “Patience is a virtue”,
Words bordering the sublime.
Yet, just as true, the other view,
“You are never given more time”.

What beautiful notion, “The sky is the limit”,
There is nothing to fear here at all.
But remember with each hill you summit,
“The higher you climb, the farther you fall”.

So, we have made a few mistakes,
You could say, “No one is perfect”.
Then I guess practice is all it takes,
Because “practice makes perfect”.

“The early bird gets the worm”,
No truer words are there than these.
But I can assuredly confirm,
“The second mouse gets the cheese”.

—Brad Osborne

Poetry

It’s not as easy as it looks
To put words down in poetry
They do not tell you in the books
How to rhyme words with ‘poetry’

It is harder than it appears
To find the exact word each time
The struggle through the long years
To find the words that sound alike

To count each meter of writing
Trimming ideas in brevity
For the reader uninviting
If one line has more than another in longevity

The war to find the exact word
The one word that fits perfectly
Like a lonesome singular herd Kurd nerd purred spurred blurred whirred bird
It must fit nest beautifully

So, don’t forget all the hard work
That has gone into writing form
In poetry does beauty lurk
A beauty beyond given norm

If you think stanza falls from sky
If you think there is ease in verse
I beg you to give it a try
I promise it can’t be much worse

—Brad Osborne

Quantum Entanglement

Real connectivity
Quantum relativity
Mechanics of the stars
Tell us who we are

With a bang undone
Particles as one
Distance they are sent
Bound entanglement

Logic holds no clue
Science gives no due
The unison is held
A universal weld

There is dust in you
Birthed when time was new
That endless calls, you see
To the dust in me

Synched by vibration
Regardless their station
Two forever paired
Lives to constant share

It’s how I find your heart
When we are far apart
That tiny celestial trace
Untouched by time and space

—Brad Osborne

The Mist

Is it cloud that falls so gently
When mountain top is kissed
Or does it rise from the valley
This cold and haunting mist

All pale shapes and grey shadows now
Sight rendered all but blind
Like whiskey drunk too fast somehow
A fogging of the mind

Unknown fears in every crease
The fears of never knowing
My will cannot command you cease
And keep my fears from growing

Being trapped in ghostly blanket
Suffered your icy chill
Yea sun would come I’d thank it
And temper failing will

If but scant rays could break rampart
And glimmer added hue
A warmth to spirit and to heart
Gained strength to see this through

Should graced light fail and hope abide
My journey will not stop
All my fears must be put aside
If goal the mountain top

So, taunt me now you evil mist
You cruel, sadistic haze
Battle you, my will exist
Earning my brighter days

Set upon me your eerie wrath
You may have chosen me
But I the chooser of my path
Will choose my destiny

—Brad Osborne

The Whispered

Memories hang heavy
Like Spanish moss draped
Over the gnarled boughs
Weathered by the voice of years
Fed by long forgotten tears
And traced in the wounds
We are all the whispered here

Visions rise like smoke
A pungent scent seen
Stung in blood-shot eyes
Burnt in the sepia lost
Paying the highest cost
And placed within the tombs
We are all the whispered here

Darkness beats the anvil
With a farrier’s skill
Drummed to war
Bodies of the broken
Names left unspoken
Now echoes in the gloom
We are all the whispered here

—Brad Osborne

PAUL: Wow! Thank you, Brad! That was just incredible! Folks, let’s show our appreciation for such an amazing feature by giving a big (virtual) hand for Brad Osborne!

Normally, we would be now taking a short intermission in a few minutes, but tonight we are going to skip that, and keep plowing straight ahead. 

So now once again, we come to one of my favorite segments of the show, the Poetorium group poem. For this month’s poem, which is entitled “Chronology”,  contributors were asked to send us one to six lines with their first line starting with the phrase “In the Year ______”, filling in the blank with any year of their choosing such as “In the Year 374 B.C.” or “In the Year 2525”. The subject of the lines could be about an historical event (either factual or fantastical), a personal incident (real or imagined), or actually anything else they wished. All the contributions received were then compiled in chronological order according to the year to create the following poem (which I think turned out fairly decent):

Chronology (The March 2021 Poetorium Group Poem)

In the year 1477,
William Caxton published Chaucer’s “Parliament of Fowls”,
thought to be the very first poem in the English language
Printed on a printing press, as well as the introduction of
The concept that Valentines Day was meant for love & lovers.
Both haters of poetry and romance feel it set a bad precedent.

In the year 1793,
Louis the XVI discovered (in spite of whatever Elvis
Might have said) sometimes it ain’t so good to be King.

In the year 1880,
I killed two bad guys in one day.

In the year 1903,
By a Carolina sea,
Man winged free,
Shedding gravity.

In the year 1948,
I lived in the California desert.
Once watched my mother kill a scorpion
As it ran out from under a box.
A big stick she used. 
I marveled at her bravery.

In the year 1962,
Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring”
Was published. My mother looked
Up at the maple tree and said,
“The robin sings for rain.”

In the year 1969,
We watched “Where the Action Is,”
Because it wasn’t at our house.

In the year 1984,
When I read Orwell’s eponymous novel,
Thought Police, Newspeak and Doublethink
Were merely dystopian concepts…My God,
Who would have thought?

In the year 2020,
For the first time in history,
The bank was happy when a masked
Man stepped up to the teller.

In the year 2021,
Judging by the events of this and the past year,
Can we be certain we’ll all still be around
In the year 2022?

Thank you, Bob, Brad, Diane, Dwayne, Howard, Joan, Karen and everyone else who contributed!

Ron will be starting the virtual open mic in just a bit, but first, I’ll be presenting the submissions we received for this month’s Poetorium Writing Challenge, the segment of the Virtual Poetorium in which each month we challenge you to write in a different flash fiction or poetic form. This month’s challenge was to write a Hay(na)ku, sometimes referred to as “Philippino Haiku”. In case, you are not familiar with the form, it somewhat resembles the haiku in the fact that they both consist of three short lines. But unlike the traditional Japanese form, the hay(na)ku is isoverbal, meaning its lines’ lengths are measured by the number of words instead of syllables. There is one word in the first line, two in the second, and three in the third. Also like haiku, a hay(na)ku doesn’t necessarily have to have a title, but there is no rule against it having one either. Not surprisingly, we received quite a few of both varieties: untitled and titled.

We will start with the untitled ones. Ken Ronkowitz, a Poetorium first-timer (welcome to the Poetorium, Ken!), sent us the following four –

moon
not full
to Earth eyes

—Ken Ronkowitz

daffodils
yellow buds
Don’t rush us!

—Ken Ronkowitz

argument
her fault
but my problem

—Ken Ronkowitz

crocus
first green
then purple hats

—Ken Ronkowitz

Long-time Poetorium regular Karen Warinsky wrote this one –

Coffee
dark, hot —
riles me up.

—Karen Warinsky

Here is another untitled hay(na)ku, this time by Joan Erickson –

Man
rides bicycle
sips a soda

—Joan Erickson

Okay, now here are the hay(na)kus with title. I’ll start with my own humble efforts –

Barnyard Memories of My Youth

Pullets
bathing in
basins of earth.

—Paul Szlosek

Oops… My Bad!

Planned
Mistakes are
Accidents on purpose.

—Paul Szlosek

Brad Osborne, tonight’s fabulous featured poet met the challenge with these three –

Ticking

Time
Ticking tacit
Careful counting creeps

—Brad Osborne

Self

Self
Is the
Hollows between events

—Brad Osborne

Campfire

Oak
Hewn sacrifice
Forest stone altar

—Brad Osborne

Robert Eugene Perry also contributed three –

Hidden Meaning

What
was that
you said again?

—Robert Eugene Perry

Floundering

Fishing
for compliments
with baited breath.

—Robert Eugene Perry

Tempus Fugit

Stop
wasting time
it cannot wait.

—Robert Eugene Perry

Last, but not least, here is a lone hay(na)ku by Jonathan Blake –

Before the Cold Vermont Rains

Cows 
rise from
the tall grass

—Jonathan Blake

Thank you, Ken, Karen, Brad, Bob, Joan, and Jonathan. You all stepped up and met this month’s writing challenge head-on, and knocked it out of the park!

And now here is the moment at last that everyone has been eagerly waiting for. Please welcome our Master of Ceremonies, Ron Whittle, back to the Poetorium stage so he can finally begin our open mic…

RON: Alright, alright, I’m going to kick off the open mic with a poem of mine…

The Wood as It Turned Out Was Fruitless 

The old floors
of this old house 
tell a tale of its years
of existence and
it speaks to me
with every step
or tiptoed movement
I make
It whispers to me
in every creak and groan
and it owes its story
to every nail that has
released its hold to 
the elements of time,
shrinkage, abuse, and
from every foot that 
has walked across it
It holds within it
a memory of every
mark, scar, or stain
with no explanation
of who, what, or when
We can only guess
and we are left to believe
it had a hard life
Those interested in antiquity
would call it patina
I would be more inclined
to call it wore out
It is what it is
and grew old with me
and the thing with
old floors are they can
be sanded and refinished
they look pretty but still
creak and groan
but with people
when it’s time
they just bury us
pretty much to mostly 
because we are wore out

—Ron Whittle

Okay,  first up on the open mic is Joe Fusco…

JOE:

The Easter Squirrel

          Once upon a time, not so long ago, the Bunny was drinking very heavily the night before Easter. He drank so much that he passed out at the wheel, crashed his Volkswagen Rabbit into a guard-rail, and broke his left-hind leg.

          Now, the Bunny woke up early next morning with a terrible hangover and feeling very guilty. He knew he had to hide the Easter eggs for all the good and sober boys and girls, but he couldn’t hop from house to house. He was about to drown his guilt in a single-malt scotch when someone knocked on the door of his condo.

          It was his neighbor the Squirrel.

          “What’s up, Bugs,” the Squirrel shouted. “I heard you had a terrible accident!”

          Now, the Bunny knew his neighbor the Squirrel was a real go-getter but somewhat on the forgetful side. He suddenly had a lightbulb of an idea.

          “All the good and sober boys and girls are about to wake up and start to look for their Easter eggs, Mr. Squirrel. I’m afraid they’re going to be very disappointed.”

          “I’ll help you hide the eggs,” the Squirrel shouted.

          So, that morning, the Easter Squirrel scurried from house to house hiding walnuts for all the good and sober boys and girls. He hid walnuts because he had put all the Easter eggs in a safe place then forgot where that safe place was.

          When the parents of the children saw the Easter walnuts, they were
outraged. They raced to the nearest Walmart to buy more jellybeans and chocolate rabbits. In their haste, one of them turned the Easter Squirrel into roadkill.

          “Here’s to our good friend, the Squirrel,” the Bunny shouted as he raised a glass of single-malt scotch at the funeral. “May he not rest in peace!”

—Joe Fusco Jr.

RON: Now please welcome Karen Warinsky…

KAREN:

End of the World

Don’t try to scare me that its the end of the World.
My world has already ended
multiple times,
and started up again,
old sights and sounds changed into
new ones, and familiar folks
disappeared and replaced by others,
souls I didn’t know and wasn’t even looking for.
Jobs have come and gone,
fun has come and gone and come again,
so you can’t scare me with this hand wringing,
this bell clanging, this alarmed message that it will all end!
It has ended, over and over again,
and I have learned to hang on to what’s meaningful
as I hurl through this carnival ride
taking it all in, eating my white cheddar cheese popcorn,
drinking my Miller, sometimes a Guinness,
sometimes a Blue Moon.

—Karen Warinsky (from Gold in Autumn, Human Error Publishing, 2020)

RON: Our next poet will be Diane Puterbaugh.

PAUL: Diane, since this is your first appearance at the Poetorium, could you please tell us a little bit about yourself before you present your poem…

DIANE: I live in Jackson, Tennessee with my husband, cat, and a 4 month old Boxer puppy, so it is a miracle I get anything done, but nonetheless I have had poems in Visitant Lit, Poetry Super Highway and Peeking Cat Literary…

Summer Hair

That crack in the sidewalk near the front door
is part of some economist’s graph of
statistics on the GDP

The robin’s nest on the meter box
was abandoned, the location too
exposed

If you get locked out, there’s a spare key
suffocating in a plastic bag under
the deck

Her bathroom drawer inters
lip balm, hand cream and a silver barrette
still clasping a summer hair

—Diane Puterbaugh (originally published on Poetry Super Highway, December 2018)

RON: Thank you, Diane! Now, everyone, please welcome Mishelle Goodwin to the Poetorium podium…

 MISHELLE:

In the Year of 1982

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy. Torn by Love and Vengeances. That now the Flemings are back. Today is March 2021 the 19th the day I could begin again. Now I could do everything right it seems like only yesterday and I still don’t think it’s fun. I don’t love those nutty people she say’s, always trying to impress us. They steal, cause problems all over Gods green earth. While they are killing that same old girl they used to know. To me? So, don’t worry I always run late. She couldn’t find the called Tony PUZO 999. Even though this “Journey” to me was hard and long. Henry’s brother was arrested and some one knew why he pulled over she saw them and she was Psychic ked for a fight. She finally called 911 and now she is going to call the police this is gone far enough. I new they were all there. It was because he was driving along the high way and slimed on the breaks. The chain broke and then it’s axel dropped making the logs fall off the log truck; It was a big semi-truck that Henry drives. He never put any insurance on it. One car turned over it was carrying logs. This was only the start of these situations. “Someone is trying kill me. Fate I said, Hah. She was not paying attention because she did not even like her bratty bat mobile. Well I fix that!
    Well, Mixing Business with pleasure again. How did you put it. Well guess I’ll have a Medium ice coffee, extra cream, two sugars, chocolate, raspberry with coconut, Chocolate MOCHA. and as the logs were rolling off the truck “Well isn’t this nice” A little Ironic don’t you think a little too, Ironic Yah, I really do think. I have a idea Fangs. It was not my car. If I had a car It would not be mine and people would get killed on the expressway and your friends maybe but She doesn’t do it that way. She left. Nobody was there so after checking to see if they were O.K. They left it there. That did not work right Mr. E  who she didn’t trust me it is a little difficult with how often, such and such of this.
    Get this were married. We did not change a thing. He won about $2,000.00 or more playing the lottery and got you out of jail and died the next day. We were both there. So was he. Get this. What is a thief notorious for. What happens to “HERO”. Well they both get one just so you both could be safe  because neither on worked right.in case they don’t. What filthy thing is mud in you eye. It happens all the time. The big cheese is a fart. Fate, if it hand’s off to a crime over where I lived had ever been some one else coffee. I’d say they’d still be there. Kool, but look I’m not grimly but if I know you that I bet he got back out again. I’m Memmi to him. He doesn’t know the truth how I got it right or he would have gotten killed that way. He passed away is what really happened.
    Enough about death. But they did start it with him again. Just because my mother was always busy. Well if my father traveled a lot. He wanted to help some how it aggravates him I have no education and well it’s the truth when that was said. He got into a fight because my son of Jesus and her standards about servants. Well you get it. With why. All I said on the phone was a THIEF. And they go and start with as stupid as some of those people are. The funny thing was that no one ever stayed home but mom. It’s the law. She stayed home with house keepers and maids. Sara and Mary went to sell there paintings. All the boys and Paula  all headed for the beach. Towards the end of the day the kids were there and the wife. Mom went to get the old republic complain why he was there. Or maybe he wasn’t. That Fucken Bastard was Vantuchie and that’s where I was that night. I’m no one that you have ever heard of. In case your wondering.
    He had tongue tied and twisted a sermon and that’s not all he wanted it that way. Could he reposition him not if he can help it. The driver no I’ll try. She likes rock-n-roll and AC-DC. She was there at his funeral she a high priest ❄. Asked me to watch her back. “She never could shake them” Well I won’t believe that. She never reviled the driver. His mother went never to no big white house, with a big back yard, white picked fence. They were to dangerous once. I don’t know who got shot or how. Even if it sits an a big hill and that big hill isn’t big enough to climb. Just because she just got up and left. Never to return. Henry new better than to start trouble. He was trouble enough and he broke my heart. I snuck up on him and shot him. He never stays out of my way.
    Henry said, “The king and I and jokingly enough they do not steal theft or not. I said in a letter. I always thought he’d like working like an employee because your always after money and every once and a while he’d have a minute or to visiting the place. My I thought you had a visitor. The girl who lived in the apartment. Said, the same thing. Possibly to get him to go to the station. When they played together they were Fluffy, Felix, and Sam.  It helps. Sleeping. The police didn’t want to disturb him. Gone from here. He ran over her and right into him moving his money into it because I needed his help
That one day turned into 50,000,000.00.
    They stole your money and credit card.  A_______MESS! Henry Flemings did hear Mr.’s voice. telling him about E.S.P.L.O.R.I.B.E.M.U.N.U.M. From infinity and beyond. Now that’s cleaning up a mess. Striking danger where it is a must. Because that why we drink it here. 

Late
   Last Summer
was the first
    time.

We meet at a cottage
Near that house
that’s a vacation
But trouble for me.

I’d been there before
It would be
twice. There and what
is it?

Why, can’t I stay away
from there.
Was it Marshall’s
No, told
Differently.

Not there 
doing cleaning
When she starts
It goes there all time.

They were blowing.
My mind and I did not
like it!

I’ll like rock-n-roll 
better at least I’ll 
know how to hit.
Blow his mind.
They do all the
time.
“No !”
I want.

Now, 
that worked

Let’s see the summer of 1964.
She was terminally pretty. 
He well was taken.
Couldn’t blame me.

Not with what I can
Blame on me.
He’s a little hard of unhearing.
One more night.

I’m telling my mother!
He hell yah! With the way
you did that.
Somebody had to stop me!
The police I supposed.

Trouble
With my mother
She don’t give 
Swag’s

To be O.K.
I was busy
spying for a fight. Well’
See she was terminally pretty.
.
 Well, she was the best damn 
woman that they’d ever dreamed
who’s motor she always kept clean

Just to taste a sweet life and 
that is what it takes.
Well I’m not blind.
Got what it takes.

    Henry got home and his mom was gone. 
Running late. HIM a little bit of a new year and I did not want to get caught. Paula I said that if you got what it takes keep trying to find Paula. She found Henry’s note.She decided to go to the beach. He followed her. She paid no mind She went to Alder an and well until at least  he got back.

—Mishelle Goodwin

RON: Next up, all the way from California, is Eugenie Steinman…

GENIE: Thank you for again asking me to participate in the Poetorium .

I wrote this poem in a meditation. Realizing my mind as separate from me, I was able to acknowledge it and comment about it , hoping to share, inspire others to do the same. This was first published in my book Persimmon: Poems and Recipes in 1996.

To  Mind

You did it you did it 
Will it never end?
You the aggressor I must defend.
I can’t have spontaneous fun
 Amuse you are the constantly attacking one.
Even when I’m on my guard
I always lose the bout.
You and those relationships that give you so much clout.
But someday when I’m not thinking 
Will be the joyous one
And I won’t even stop to notice that the war is won.

—Eugenie Steinman (originally published in Persimmon: Poems and Recipes)

RON: Next up is Dwayne Szlosek…

DWAYNE: Thank you, and I hope you’re all doing well!

Nine Gun Billy 2

This is Billy Gunn. It’s May 16th, 1880.
Some of you may remember that nine men killed
my mother and sister, and burned the Gunn Ranch
down to the ground. That happened on May 1st.

Now I am in a town called Brownwood in eastern Texas.
I hear there is a man there, who is at the Saloon. He is one
of the nine who killed my family. His name was Lucky,
I am about to be the one, is going to change his name to Unlucky.
I enter the saloon at midday, I look around the bar.
There are three men and the barkeep.
I walk up to the bartender with my heart racing.
I will have a beer and a shot of whiskey.
I say the bartender “I am looking for Lucky.”
The owner looks straight at me and nods,
like he was to say he is behind me.

The man’s name is Lucky. A tall man, his hair is dirty
and greasy. Long beard and mustache. A shirt, red in color.
A brown gun belt with blue jeans and with a
pair of brown scuff up and dirty cowboy boots.
A black hat, tattered and worn.

I have no gun to kill Lucky with, I never ever shot a gun before.
I have to get creative about killing him. I see a broken broom handle,
leaning against a post, right next to Lucky. I also see him talking
to his friend at his table, his back to the broken handle.
I am not sure if that man who is talking to Lucky is one of the men
who killed my mother and sister or not,  but i will see if he is
As soon as i kill Lucky with the broom handle.

I finish my beer an shot of whiskey. I thank the keeper, and pay him.
I walk towards Lucky, as if I was leaving. I get up behind him,
and quickly grab the broken broom handle, shoving it through Lucky’s neck.
He gets up quickly from the chair, blood everywhere. I grab his gun
from his holster and shoot Lucky in the back, he falls over to the floor dead.
His friend reaches for his gun. I raise the gun I have, and shoot, killing him.
I found out later it was one of the ones that murdered my family.
So I killed two of them out of the nine, leaving me seven of them to deal with.
Now I have two gun belts and guns now. I want to finish this.

Nine Gun Billy

P.S. The other man’s name was Bison…

—Dwayne Szlosek (Copyright 3\16\2021)

I hope you all liked NINE GUN BILLY. There is more to come…

RON: Now let’s all welcome Howard Kogan…

HOWARD:

For Gustave Flaubert

“As if the soul’s fullness didn’t sometimes overflow into the emptiness of metaphors, for no one, ever, can give the exact measure of his needs, his ideas or his sorrows; human speech is like a cracked cauldron on which we bang out tunes that make bears dance, when we want to move the stars to pity.”  —Gustave Flaubert (Madame Bovary Part 2, Chapter 9, 1856)

We read your words and we are moved
to recognition, to gratitude, and pity too
by words that fail you by what they cannot do.
Yet the very same words have come to us
from another time, another world,
and enthrall us with the spells they cast,
the world they conjure, for our world was built
by your words, the music of your cracked caldron.

Look at the heavens Gustave,
can you see the bears dancing
across the night sky ladling
their pity upon us?

—Howard J Kogan

RON: Okay, next up is Robert Eugene Perry…

BOB: Hello Poetorium! It is exciting to be back after a two month haitus!

The following three short poems were the result of a prompt from Lis McLoughlin regarding local land trusts. The first poem was written next to the French River at Riverside Park, N Grosvenordale, CT which is right down the road from me. Perryville Dam and Pierpont Meadow are both in my hometown of Dudley, MA.

All three poems were recently published in the Honoring Nature anthology, published by Human Error Publishing. It can be purchased here: https://bookshop.org/shop/NatureCulture or on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Honoring-Nature-Anthology-Authors-Festival/dp/1948521490 and other online venues.

Susurration

(in) a language all its own,the river
speaks in susurrus, syllables
sometimes sibilant, soft
slaps of waves over stones,
sweeping sensuously across branches,
swirling into eddies around corners,
speaking in soothing textures,
showing off its splendor –
singing surreptitiously
for those with ears to hear.

—Robert Eugene Perry (originally published in Honoring Nature, Human Error Publishing)

Piermont Meadow

bare feet on the grassy path
spring births unparalleled joy
conduit between worlds
grass gives way to rough needles

tall pines arch
a portal to silence, introspection
whispers weaving through the forest
evergreen slicing my dull senses awake

a stream bends through
marsh grass and cattails
sliding under the path
to the waiting pond

the trail forks, to the right
a wooded path will reach the water
to the left will loop
past the sunning beaver’s dam

cycles, seasons, changes –

the gestation of spring,
dance of summer rhythms,
circles of fall, all lie down
and sleep in winter.

—Robert Eugene Perry (originally published in Honoring Nature, Human Error Publishing)

Conjuntion (Perryville Dam)

This is the sweet spot
where time slows.

The marsh explodes with sound
red wings caw
full throated joy
calling to make life –

a wood drake observes
from the channel
patiently awaiting
his chance to impress.

Slowly moving water
heading for cataracts
                           just downriver

patchwork of greens and browns
new growth sprouts from decay

the river flowing over the dam
background music for the bog
bright red buds on trees
highlighted by overcast skies.

Standing on the bones of my ancestors
I am here, now.

—Robert Eugene Perry (originally published in Honoring Nature, Human Error Publishing)

RON: Our next poet is Jonathan Blake…

JONATHAN:

Poem for the Butterfly Flattened by the Windshield of My Black Tacoma:
Metaphor for the Pandemic of 2020

Like a strange kiss.

Two starved lips pressed to glass.

—Jonathan Blake

RON: And our final poet in the open mic tonight is Joan Erickson…

JOAN: This is an early poem from many trips to Guatemala
to visit my father when he retired there…

 Love One Another

The woman in the marketplace
in Guatemala City puts the apron
in a bag and as she does she moves
her body to the rhythm of the music
coming from her small radio.
She points to the radio,
“You like?” she asks.

“I like,” I say and begin to move
my body. We both add arm movements –
swinging and swaying – she on one side
of the counter and me on the other.

My husband who is waiting looks
the other way. She hands me my apron
and I hand her forty-five quetzales.

“Gracias,” she says and as I walk away
she yells, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I answer.

—Joan Erickson (February 2000)

RON: Okay, people, before I close out the show, I’d like to bring back to the podium, my co-host and fellow co-conspirator Paul Szlosek…

PAUL: Thanks, Ron! As everybody here probably knows by now, I am a big fan of obscure poetry forms. Tonight I would like to share one with you that you probably never heard of before. It’s called a Quartina, and a variation of its more famous cousin the Sestina, using a set of four end words instead of six. This poem was originally published on the online poetry journal Grand Little Things early last year…

Hated by Horses (A Quartina)

Oh, you were the lucky ones,
chased and bit by neighborhood dogs.
You do not know what it’s like
to be hated by horses.

It’s a social stigma that dogs
me still, never to be liked
by teenaged girls who rode & adored horses
(for me, always the most desirable ones),

who shunned me because I wasn’t liked
by horses, all kind of horses:
Thoroughbreds, Clydesdales, even miniature ones
the size of your average pet dog.

I’ve been chomped & thrown & kicked by horses
all through my life since the age of one.
They despise me as if I was the foreman of a dog
food factory, attacking me viciously like

angels (avenging ones) or feral dogs.
No fury like the hatred of teenaged girls or horses.

—Paul Szlosek (originally published on Grand Little Things)

Before I turn the virtual microphone back over to Ron to close out the show,  Ron and I have a big surprise for everyone. Now, don’t blame me because it was our fearless leader Ron’s idea, but I have taken at least one line from every poem presented tonight, including all seven of Brad’s poems from his feature but not the group poem or the hay(na)kus (I believe there were about twenty poems altogether), to create a Cento, otherwise known as a “Patchwork Poem”. This form which steals lines (ummmm… I mean borrows) from other writers to create a brand new poem goes way back to Roman Times. I guess you can consider it a group poem that you didn’t realize you were contributing to. It probably doesn’t make much sense, but we hope you enjoy it…

First Virtual Poetorium Anniversary Cento

Names left unspoken
Now echoes in the gloom.
We are all the whispered here.
Don’t try to scare me
That its the end of the World

When we are far apart.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy.
I can’t have spontaneous fun.
I will have a beer and a shot of whiskey,
Two starved lips pressed to glass.

All the good and sober boys and girls
Add arm movements – swinging and swaying.
Can you see the bears dancing
(Dance of summer rhythms), 
Speaking in soothing textures,

Still clasping a summer hair?
Standing on the bones of my ancestors,
I am here, now, with no explanation,
Forever wondering how to rhyme words.
With ‘poetry’, it is harder than it appears,

Like whiskey drunk too fast somehow.
You do not know what it’s like
Holding the dreams of silent lovers.
I know you’ll leave me too –
Try not to, if you can…

And now, here’s Ronnnnnnnie…

RON: Thanks, Paul. As much as I always hate to do it, it’s time to close out the show. Here is my closing poem…

The Man Who Left Winter’s Mountains for Springtime
Shores Would Never Be Same Again
(Dedicated to My Friend, Richard Fox, Poet)

The spring morning air
was purified
by a chirping choir
that is coming home to nest
from the winter holiday
in the southland
Life is, perpetual motion 
the snow melts
grass grows
and flowers bloom
just as the birds return
And we worship
the warmth of a
restless star in the throws
of a change in seasons
The soft winds announce 
their return with sweet
whispers of spring
in the air which
feeds the fantasies
of the impatient winter
mindset of humans
and animals alike
Somewhere nearby
dandelions are blooming
readying puffs of promise
for another day
in the future and
those of us that can
will dance barefoot
in the green of the grass
in local parks
and neighboring lawns
of plenty
And I can’t help but wonder
Can walks and wading 
on the beach be far off
with sand between toes                                     
and the aroma of suntan lotion
plied to bodies hanging
in the air           

—Ron Whittle (2021)   

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been my pleasure to hear all of your poetry tonight.
Until next time, be safe and Godspeed!

Wow! It seems like it’s been an eternity since the last official Virtual Poetorium three months ago (only two if you count our special holiday Ho-Ho-etorium in December which I posted here on this blog), but I am happy to say that my co-host Ron and I are both back from hiatus, and will be producing a brand new one-year anniversary edition this month (we first started this virtual version of our local open mic poetry last March due to Covid). We are pleased to announce that this month’s featured poet will be someone that most of you readers are probably very familiar with: the fabulous poet, writer, and blogger Brad Osborne. Just like I did with the Ho-Ho-etorium, I’d like to open up this month’s Virtual Poetorium for anyone who would like to participate and invite all my fellow bloggers and faithful readers (or just anyone just happening to read this) to help us celebrate our anniversary and be a part of our online poetry gathering in print.

To participate in our virtual open mic, please send us one of your own original poems or stories (under 2000 words please) either in a Word document file or pasted in the body of an email along with your name, any opening remarks you care to make, and where your poem has appeared if it was previously published to poetorium@mail.com by Friday, March 26th (also if you like, you can send us a photo of yourself to be posted above your poem, but that is totally optional).

Once again, we also need contributions to the Poetorium Group poem which this month will be tentatively titled “Chronology”. To participate, please send us one to six lines with your first line starting with the phrase “In the Year ____“, filling in the blank with any year of your choosing such as “In the Year 374 B.C.” or “In the Year 2525”. The subject of your lines can be about a historical event (either factual or fantastical), a personal incident (real or imagined), or actually anything else you wish. Also for stylistic reasons, please use the past tense if you are writing about a year prior to 2021, the present tense for the current year, and the future tense for any year afterward. All contributions (which will remain anonymous unless otherwise requested) will be compiled in chronological order according to the year to create our group poem which will be included in this month’s Virtual Poetorium. Once again, the deadline for submissions is the night of Friday, March 26th.

This month’s Poetorium writing form challenge will be to write a Hay(na)ku, sometimes referred to as “Philippino Haiku”, which I wrote about on this blog way back in February of 2019. In case, you are not familiar with the form, it somewhat resembles the haiku in the fact that they both consist of three short lines. But unlike the traditional Japanese form, the hay(na)ku is isoverbal, meaning its lines’ lengths are measured by the number of words instead of syllables. There is one word in the first line, two in the second, and three in the third. Also like haiku, a hay(na)ku doesn’t necessarily have to have a title, but there is no rule against it having one either.

Here are four examples that I wrote which appeared on my original post on the hay(na)ku:

Secret Identity

Nobody
knows that
I’m not me.

The Ache of Unrequited Love

Hearts
don’t really
break, but bruise.

It Will All Come Out in the Wash…

Dirty
laundry – red
hats, white sheets.

Unrecognized Potential

Sometimes
even chickens
can unexpectedly fly.

Using the above poems as models, please try writing some yourself and send us your best efforts by Friday, March 26th to be included in this month’s Virtual Poetorium.

If you have any questions about submitting to the virtual open mic, the group Poetorium poem, the writing challenge, or anything else about the Virtual Poetorium itself, please leave them in the comments of this post, and I will try to answer them right away.

Thank you so very much for reading! I really appreciate everyone’s continued support of this blog, and hope to hear from you soon with your contributions to our special one-year anniversary edition of the Virtual Poetorium!

Happy New Years, Everyone!

I want to thank my fellow bloggers Brad Osborne and Corinne Bellocq for graciously accepting my invitation to participate in the following which I hope you will accept as my belated holiday gift to you all…

PAUL: Good evening, everyone! Hope you all had a delightful Christmas!

Welcome to the very first edition of the Virtual Ho-Ho-etorium! I want to thank all you kind folks who took time away from your hectic holiday schedules to be here tonight. I am sorry to report that I will be assuming hosting duties by my lonesome since my regular Poetorium co-host and cohort Ron Whittle is not able to be with us since both he and his wife have been suffering medical maladies that require surgery. Please keep them both in your hearts and prayers as they go through this very difficult time. Ron, however, being a true trooper did send me a brand new poem that I will be sharing with you all later tonight. Tonight will be a bit different than our usual show since there is no featured poet, interview, mystery poet segment, or writing challenges, but instead we will have two virtual open mics – a regular one before the break and another one afterwards reserved for Christmas and New Year-themed work, and of course, the good old group poem. We will also be suspending the usual one work limit per person for each open mic. Our good friend and last month’s featured poet Howard J. Kogan sent us a note that he would be sitting out tonight’s presentation (hoping to be back with us in January) but graciously suggested the perfect poem for me to kick off our first open mic on this chilly December evening. The following is an excerpt from the wintertime classic by the legendary New England Poet John Greenleaf Whittier – “Snowbound”:

Snow-Bound: A Winter Idyl (An Excerpt)

The sun that brief December day
Rose cheerless over hills of grey,
And darkly circled, gave at noon,
A sadder light than waning moon.
Slow tracing down the thickening sky
Its mute and ominous prophecy,
A portent seeming less than threat,
It sank from sight before it set.
A chill, no coat, however stout,
Of homespun stuff could quite shut out…

Meanwhile we did our nightly chores,—
Brought in the wood from out of doors,
Littered the stalls, and from the mows
Raked down the herd’s— grass for the cows…..

Unwarmed by any sunset light
The grey day darkened into night,
A night made hoary with the swarm
and whirl dance of the blinding storm,
As zig-zag, wavering to and fro,
Crossed and recrossed the wingèd snow:
And ere the early bedtime came
The white drift piled the window frame,
and through the glass the clothes-line posts
looked in like tall and sheeted ghosts….

And when the second morning shone,
We looked upon a world unknown,
On nothing we could call our own.
Around the glistening wonder bent
The blue walls of firmament,
No cloud above, no earth below,—
A universe of sky and snow!….

—John Greenleaf Whittier

Now please welcome our very first poet in our first open mic, Joan Erickson, who I understand will be continuing the theme of our opening piece with two wonderful snow poems of her very own…

JOAN:

I Shovel a Path

I shovel a path
for oil-man to fill tank,
use wide shovel – deep snow –
two or three feet.

Maybe the man could walk on top –
I try it – sink – so know he’ll sink
as he drags the hose.

I start shoveling. Dig – lift – throw to one
side – dig – lift – throw to one side.
Stop and rest – lean on shovel.

Gaze at snow covering yard –
field – stone walls. Blue shadows
slant across white surface.

I listen – listen some more – silence –
pure as the snow – and peaceful –
so peaceful.

I dig – lift – throw – too deep to shovel
to the ground – remove layers –
maybe two layers.

Can see the oil tank lid –
keep digging – stop and rest –
study the sky – deep blue
with wisps of clouds
moving slowly.

I dig – lift – throw – move toward
target. I know the man
will be happy.

Start back – shoveling as I go
over my own footprints. Maybe
tomorrow I will come out
and do some more.

But, if the wind is blowing –
if the temperature
drops, if the sun hides,
I will be in the house
playing with these words.

—Joan Erickson (02/23/15)

Red, White, and Blue Day

I hear the snowblower
as it does its job clearing
away snow and ice from
our first big storm.

Sun shines on the snow
on cars parked in view
from my windows.
Their rear red lights glow
in the morning sun.

My neighbor’s car is bright
blue. My dark blue jeep is
parked at the end of this
building and waits with others
to be shoveled off.

When I go to the windows
I can look out at the bright
blue sky.

When I finish this poem
I will stand up and say
good morning to this
red, white, and blue day.

—Joan Erickson (11/26/20)

PAUL: Next up is the one and only Joe Fusco Jr.:

JOE:

Dimensions

When my brother-in-law visits our home,
He immediately starts to fix things.
Sometimes, I have a list prepared,
Sometimes, he looks around, sighs, and improvises.
A bracket for the front- porch door,
A nylon line for the weed- wacker,
The water in my daughter’s Timex watch,
No matter the size, shape, or degree of difficulty,
John will eventually fix it.
He looks at broken things as opportunities to improve the world.
I look at broken things as a colossal pain-in-the-ass
and my brother-in-law a god-like proctologist.
“You’re so one dimensional,” my sister-in-law exclaims
“All you like to do is write funny poetry.”
“That’s not true. I’m three dimensional,”
I reply. “I like to write funny poetry, eat, and screw.”
“Make that two dimensional,” my wife interjects then walks away,
Not revealing which dimension is in need of John’s attention.

—Joe Fusco Jr.

PAUL: We will now hear from a longtime Poetorium regular, Robert Eugene Perry:

BOB:

Everything Belongs

I am a tree, grown up
twisted and gnarled from
bending backwards towards
the light, having spent
too much time
in shadow.

I am a stream, flowing
hither and yon, picking up
stuff meandering through
strange lands, sometimes singing
often murmuring seeking
an ocean.

I am a cloud, pursuing the heights
blown about and set off course
filled with moisture and vapors
stretched out and dissipated
at times reflecting the colors
of the sun.

I am the Universe, born of stardust
a miracle of contradictions
energy and matter, moving and static
constantly changing and adapting
neither created nor destroyed, only
Being.

—Robert Eugene Perry

PAUL: We missed seeing her last month, but she is back with us tonight. Please welcome to the Ho-Ho-etorium podium, Christine Burlingame:

CHRISTINE:

Words At War

Words don’t
Simply slip out
Or bewildered me
Like they
Had once
Before.
Certainly
Words wont
Dance for me
Or attempt to
Impress me
Because they
Just can’t
Anymore.
And it’s
Impossible to
Not feel
The heaviness
Impossible
To ignore.
The fight
In my mind
To speak
That wordless
Cognitive dialogue
At war.

—Christine Burlingame

‘Enough’

If you pretend
hard enough
to trust in
the moment
long enough
you might
learn to
let go
just enough.
To once again
be happy enough.
And yes,
it probably
won’t be enough.
But in some way
it will be
better than
because it will finally be
enough.

—Christine Burlingame

PAUL: Alongside the familiar faces of many of our Poetorium regulars in the audience tonight, there may be a couple new ones that you might not recognize. As some of you may or may not know, I have a poetry blog on WordPress, and I decided to extend the invitation to join us tonight to my fellow bloggers and writers there. I am happy to report I received two acceptances, so please welcome, the brilliant blogger and poet Brad Osborne (whose blog Commonsensibly Speaking is one of my personal favorites) trekking all the way from Shiremanstown, Pennsylvania to be with us this evening:

BRAD: Can’t think of any opening remarks other than I am grateful and happy to be here amongst the group…

Maiden Voyage

Fifty-two tons, one of the unsinkable ones
The proud flag ship of the White Star Line
With Captain Smith true and a seasoned crew
Left Queenstown for the New York skyline

But the captain didn’t know that the fires below
Were more than the common occurrence
The hull became frail in the miles they sailed
In the end, that would make all the difference

The lookouts worked hard, the only light stars
On a night that was cold and forbidding
But they did not see the iceberg set free
Hidden beneath still seas unforgiving

Then it was too late to avoid their fate
As ghostly ice gouged the hull wide and deep
The stokers knew first, as steel bulkheads burst
They were headed to an eternal sleep

The tragic fail, lifeboats hung at the rail
Hoped salvation that could not be lowered
And as water rushed in, raising panic and din
The North Sea came for what was owed her

What sealed their fate, how light scintillates
As scared signalman flashes passing ship
Distant twinkling light on such a starry night
Not seen as beyond horizon they slipped

The sea it is said, never gives up her dead
Tragic souls are gathered like plunder
But in the demise, saved spirits do rise
As the behemoth slowly slips under

There below the waves, the ones left unsaved
As what they said could never happen did
An icy deep shrine, forgotten to time
Where all the mariner’s failures stay hid

—Brad Osborne

PAUL: Thank you, Brad! I guess that concludes our first open mic tonight. I will close with a couple of poems, but before I do, I’d also would like to mention that Corinne Bellocq who pens the delightful blog Paquerite (a wonderful concoction of words and recipes) also wished to participate but feared the translation from French into English of her work would completely betray her writing (as a quote from Paterson, one of my favorite films about poets, so beautifully expresses “Poetry in translations is like taking a shower with a raincoat on.”) However, she has graciously whipped up a bowl of her heavenly “Rainbow Soup” as her contribution to tonight’s Poet’s Potluck Feast. Mmmmm… I can’t wait for you to try it..

I thought it would be fitting to end with another poem about winter, but I must warn you the following is one of my more downbeat pieces. Like much of my poetry, it is written in an obscure poetic form, in this case, an octameter. If you are not familiar with the form, it was originally invented by Shelley A. Cephas, and is a 16 line poem consisting of two stanzas of eight lines each. Because of the name, one might expect the form to be written in octameter (lines of eight metrical feet), but instead, each line consists of 5 syllables apiece. The rhyme scheme is rather complex – xxabxbxb cxacxcbb (x representing non-rhyming lines). This poem originally appeared online under a slightly different title in the Wolff Poetry Literary Magazine…

Season of Disorder

Like a schoolyard fad,
Summer always fades,
leaving you to mourn
the loss of its light.

Please try to ignore
now premature night,
dying greenery,
fields shrouded in white.

Your thoughts, dense as lead,
weigh your spirits down.
Your body’s so worn,
it won’t rise from bed.
Old snow forms black scabs.

All songbirds have fled.
Spring, nowhere in sight,
is late (just for spite).

— Paul Szlosek (originally published in the Wolff Poetry Literary Magazine)

Yikes! That was so darn depressing! On second thought, that would be such a miserable way to close out the first half of what has been so far a pleasant poetry show filled with good cheer. Besides it doesn’t seem right not to end a Poetorium open mic without a poem by Ron Whittle. So instead, here is Ron’s poem which I promised I would share with you earlier…

The Moon Interviewing the Sun for
the Sunday Edition of the Newspaper

“So tell me
what do you remember
about the Big Bang?”

“Well, to be truthful
I don’t remember much,
but I do remember
it being cold and dark
and I lit a match
to see what was going on
and whooosh…
everything blew up in flames
and it’s been that way
ever since.
Kinda like lighting
the barbecue grill,
ya know what I mean.
Which reminds me,
when is the next time
a cow is going to jump
over you?
We haven’t had any
steaks or ribs up here
in a long time.
Ya know, I lost my beard
and eye brows the last time
I struck a match.
I won’t do that again.
You know it was kinda like whooosh…
and this whole side of the universe
smells like burnt hair.
You know
I get a kick out of your people-
they talk about solar flares
like they’re something special.
Hell, its just excess gas.
Here, pull my finger,
I’ll show you…”

Unfortunately this is where the interview end
and the Moon was shot into a new orbit.

—Ron Whittle

Well, folks, that is the end of our first open mic of the evening. We’ll be taking a longer than usual intermission before we come back and I present tonight’s group Christmas poem as well as the Secret Surrealist Santa Lists I asked people to submit. Then we’ll start the second virtual open mic, this one with a holiday theme. Now, I, being very fond of past holiday poetry gatherings (like the wonderful Jingle Mingle that our local Worcester area poet Anne Marie Lucci hosted each year at her Streetbeat poetry venue which the Ho-Ho-etorium is meant as a tribute to) and since some of my favorite memories of these gatherings involved food (who in the Worcester poetry community could forget Anne Marie’s blonde brownies at the Jingle Mingle or my mom’s chocolate chip cookies at the Poet’s Parlor?), I decided to replace the usual virtual vendor’s table with a virtual poet’s banquet table and asked people to contribute some imaginary food for a virtual poet’s potluck. So please sample all the delicacies you kind people have brought in and we will be back in a short while…

Intermission Begins

The Ho-Ho-etorium Imaginary Poet’s Potluck Banquet Table

Dollar Store Skordalia brought by Paul Szlosek

Instead of what appears to be the mandatory bowl of hummus and pita bread served on the refreshment table of every gathering of poets from the beginning of time, here is a delicious substitute: skordalia, a Greek garlic dip or spread traditionally made by combining crushed garlic with a thick base such as day-old bread or pureed potatoes, lots of olive oil and citrus–either a wine vinegar or fresh lemon juice that usually takes hours to prepare, but this version is almost as good and can be whipped up in mere minutes with every single ingredient purchased at your local Dollar Tree, Dollar General, or Family Dollar...

Ingredients:
one cup of mashed potatoes (prepared according to the directions on a package of either Buttery Homestyle or Betty Crocker Instant Mashed Potatoes)
garlic powder
lemon juice from concentrate
olive & vegetable oil blend
dash of salt
cold water

Directions:
Place mashed potatoes in serving bowl, then stir in lemon juice, oil, salt, and garlic powder a little at a time to desired taste, then slowly add the cold water until the dip is the consistency of hummus. Drizzle with a little oil, dust with paprika and dried parsley or cilantro flakes (for an optional dash of holiday red and green), and serve with scoopable-shaped corn chips.

Velouté D’Arc-En-Ciel (Rainbow Cream Soup)* brought by Corinne Bellocq

*For a photograph of this scrumptious dish and the original recipe in French, please click here.

Hamburger Chilli with Potato Rolls and Shredded Cheddar Cheese Brought by Dwayne Szlosek

Champagne brought by Brad Osborne

Ingredients:
1 – Bushel of the finest grapes

1- Glass bottle with cork

1 – Great amount of patience

Directions:
Squeeze the grapes into the bottle. Apply patience liberally. Wait for the magic to happen, then consume with vigor.

A toast – “May your words always be effervescent and sparkle with life when they are decanted and shared!”

Swedish Christmas Glogg and Swedish Cookies (Made in the Shape
of Snowmen) Brought by Joan Erickson

“Making glogg was a tradition in my husband, Bob’s, family. The alcohol and spices were heated in a pan and when ready was lit with a match – then putting the cover on. Strong stuff -could only have a sip and feel it burn as it went down.”

—Joan Erickson

Ugly Cookies Brought by Chrissy Burlingame

‘Ugly Cookies’

We painted faces
of icing and
sprinkled
colored sugar
on our misshaped cookies.
A disfigured attempt at
cookie decorating
and feeling better.
A reflection of
our insides out.
We hadn’t a future
in confectionery careers
But as
inexperienced decorators
we smiled
and laughed nonetheless.
Such failures were
never meant to
be gifted—
They were the punchline
to our winter afternoon
well spent.

—Christine Burlingame

Intermission Ends

PAUL: Oh my goodness, I am stuffed and a bit woozy from all that champagne and glogg! Everybody, please find a seat and I’ll kick off the second half of the evening with the Christmas group poem.

As you might recall, I requested that people send in one to six lines starting with the phrase “Christmas is… ” to be be compiled into tonight’s group poem. I also gave everyone the option of having your name listed as an contributor or to remain anonymous. Only Joan Erickson, Robert Eugene Perry, Dwayne Szlosek, and Brad Osborne gave me permission to use their names, so the identities all the other authors of the following poem will stay secret, fittingly for this time of year, like a Secret Santa:

Christmas Is…

Christmas is the eyes of a child.

Christmas is the twinkle of lights in children’s eyes.

Christmas is the fresh scent of pine.

Christmas is giving and learning to receive
suspending doubt, willing to believe
letting go of resentments
making room for Presence
allows the Mystery within to conceive.

Christmas is fresh snowflakes on eyelashes.

Christmas is a sugar rush mixed with caffeine.

Christmas is laying wide-eyed in bed with a thumping hear of anticipation.

Christmas is a visit from Santa.
Time to roll out the red carpet,
time to hang up the stockings,
time to get ready for fun.
Time for miracles
under the sun

Christmas is forgetting what you don’t have and being thankful for what you do.

Christmas is a caring smile.

Christmas is missing family.

Christmas is winter snow, and when the wind blows.
It feels so cold it is time to start a fire.
And to hear it’s crackle with it’s orange glow.
And with it’s glow. The cold comes with a cup of hot chocolate.
Waiting for old saint nick, to warm his bones by the fire.
And kiddy’s i am not delivering christmas presents this year. HO, HO, HO..

Christmas is lighting the night.

Christmas is remembering kindness.

Christmas is being our best…

And with that last line, I need to concur that all the contributors really are the best! Thank you so much!

And now what Christmas gathering would be complete without the tradition of gift-giving? So to add the traditional present-giving element to our imaginary holiday gathering, I proposed a variation on the old surrealist game The Time Travelers’ Potlatch. In case you are not familiar with it (by the way, a potlatch is a gift-giving competition practiced in certain cultures), the game is played by having each person describe the gift that they would present to various historical, mythical, or fictional figures of their choice on the occasion of meeting them. Our variation was to be the Secret Surrealist Santa List in which we could all list up to six historical, mythical, or fictional figures and the Xmas presents we would give them if we were their surreal Secret Santas. Now only two people submitted lists beside myself, but I was tickled pink by them and I sure you will be too:

Chrissy Burlingame’s Secret Surrealist Santa List

For Sylvia Plath, a white candle in a bell jar.
For Revenge, Jello, a dish best served cold.
For Edgar Allen Poe, his truck’s title.
For Every Mole, tiny magnifying glasses.

Brad Osborne’s Secret Surrealist Santa List

For Wile E. Coyote, a membership to Amazon Prime.
For Pontius Pilot, a new set of hand towels.
For Pheidippides, a Nike endorsement.
For Van Gogh, one Airpod Pro.
For Santa’s reindeer, Dasher, just one year of not having to look at Rudolph’s ass all night!

Paul Szlosek’s Secret Surrealist Santa List

For Alexander Hamilton, a kevlar vest and frockcoat.
For Lois Lane, lead-lined lingerie.
For Sherlock Holmes, an Occam’s safety razor and shaving brush set.
For Danny Pudi, good coffee and warm socks.
For Robert Johnson, a textbook on contract law.
For Mankind, a digital doomsday clock with snooze alarm.

Thank you, Brad and Chrissy, for your generosity and incredible imaginations! Well done, my friends!

Okay, we can now start the second open mic. Please remember, folks, your poem or story needs to have either a Christmas, New Year, or general holiday theme…

I actually had some great Christmas poems to open with including one about my one Christmas spent in South Carolina and a patchwork poem consisting of solely lines from Christmas carols, but of course I can’t find them! So I am going to have to cheat and convert an existing poem to a Christmas one. Like all my poems I will be sharing with you tonight, it is written in an obscure poetry form, this one being a biolet, but this time I won’t bother with the boring rules of writing one (and just let you puzzle it out for yourself from my example):

A Frozen Yuletide Memory

On a chilly afternoon in late December,
I stood at the kitchen window and watched it snow,
And although that was over fifty years ago,
For some unknown reason I can still remember
I stood at the kitchen window and watched it snow
On a chilly afternoon in late December.

—Paul Szlosek

Now please welcome back to the podium, Joe Fusco Jr….

JOE:

Our Neighbor

Our neighbor dresses in camouflage,
Straps himself in the chestnut tree that borders our backyards,
Waits for deer to prance by.

We live in Worcester, the Big City,
Concrete and asphalt,
Squirrels, an occasional raccoon if you’re not careful with the garbage,
Ornery wasps but the only deer are plastic and pull a bearded fat guy around,
Also plastic, two houses down most of December.

Our neighbor smokes grass while he waits in the chestnut tree.
He used to teach welding at the vocational school.
He used to play electric guitar for a Dead-like band.

Sometimes, his nine-year-old, also in camouflage, keeps him company.
If you look through the window of their family room,
You’ll see plastic antlers hanging from the fireplace.

Our neighbor waits like Godot in the chestnut tree.
The city has lowered our property assessment three times.
We instruct the kids to only use the front door,
Remember he has a night-scope and a bong,
Never ever prance.

—Joe Fusco Jr.

PAUL: Since the Ho-Ho-etorium is a celebration of Christmas and Christmas truly is family, please welcome to the virtual stage a dear friend of the Poetorium and my actual cousin, Dwayne Szlosek…

DWAYNE: Good evening, everyone! Here are my Christmas Poems…

I Think I Might, I Think I May…

I think I might, I think I may.
I think, i think, i’ll stay,
To spend Christmas day with you.
I think i might, i think i may.
I think, i think, I’ll stay with you.
Thank you.
I will stay all day, on Christmas day.
I think I might, I think i may.
I think, i think, i will drink eggnog,
an open christmas presents on this day.
I think i might, i think i may.
I think, i think, i will stay for dinner,
an eat this wonderful meal with you.
An join you for that glass of wine, Caroline.
I think i might, i think i may.
I think, i think, i will stay,
the whole night with you.
The day after.
A month after.
The year after.
An the rest of my life after, with you.
And forever more….

—Dwayne Szlosek (12\14\2019)

Christmas With Everyone..

Christmas time of the year is for all of us
To share our joy with every girl and boy.
Christmas time is so near,
It’s time to share our thoughts and prayers
With you and everyone here.
Let them know I am thinking of them,
And all your well being.
I know you are thinking about me as well.
Because we are family in some way,
Why we are part of a family
Or we are friends or even best friends.
The joy of christmas will bring all of us
Together, on the Lord’s birthday.
To give thanks to him for our lives
And to the people we meet,
That will bring us joy.
I thank you all.
And a merry Christmas,
And a happy new beginning for the New Year…

—Dwayne Szlosek (12\7\2020)

Thank you! Hope you all had a great Christmas and will have a fantastic New Year!

PAUL: Now returning to the podium, is Joan Erickson with her Christmas poem…

JOAN:

Christmas Present

My oldest Granddaughter,
Jennifer, gave me a cat
for Christmas – a wooden cat –
almost the size of a real cat.
It now sits on my harvest table.

It has orange and gray tiger stripes
and has white on its nose and paws
and on the end of its tail. It is
a wooden puzzle made of large
pieces – easy to take apart and
put together.

I have named this cat ‘Puzzles.’ She
is very good – doesn’t scratch the
furniture and doesn’t need a litter box
and if I get bored during tomorrow’s
big snow storm, I can take her apart
and put her back together again and
not one scratch will I get.

I love my new cat.
Thank you, Jennifer.

—Joan Erickson (01/03/2018)

PAUL: And now once again, Robert Eugene Perry…

BOB:

Reflecting on Christmas

Before recovery
Christmas was painful.

The coming of the giver of Life
only highlighted
my own self-centeredness.

I hid my face
in a barrel of Whiskey
hoping I would drown,

till one day He came down,
gently lifted my head and said:
I can raise you from the dead.

Do you wish to be made well?

Those words broke
the sodden spell –
shattered

the gates of hell
and I whispered
yes.

—Robert Eugene Perry

And now we will have Brad Osborne with his Christmas poem…

BRAD:

‘Twas the Night Before Covid Christmas…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, 2020 the year,
The days were blurring with pandemic fear;
The face masks were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that gifted vaccine soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Thoughts of missing friends danced in their heads;
And mamma in her sweats and I in my briefs,
Had just settled down for some needed relief,

The year had been one like none could expect,
And holidays came with family to protect;
So, Nana and Pop wouldn’t be here this year,
But a video call would let them feel near;

Santa drove the smiling van instead of a sleigh,
And lucky we are to have gifts Christmas day;
The best gift from one generation to another,
When missing you meant we loved each other,

Dawn will still hold the wonder of little eyes,
As eager children bid a much too early rise;
And I offer but one wish as I turn out the light
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!

––Brad Osborne

PAUL: Last but not least on on our Holiday open mic, for the very first time tonight, someone in the last few months who has been a wonderful and loyal supporter of the Poetorium -Mishelle Goodwin..

MISHELLE; Thank you! Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Here is a poem I just jotted down from the top of my head. It’s called “MY CHRISTMAS”. Hope you enjoy it!

My Christmas

At Christmas time
we laugh
we sing
and jolly
where we where
that night

We celebrate Christmas
with a Christmas meal. We open our gifts
play with new and old toys.

Empty our stalking’s
that are hung by our chimney with care.
Keeping warm by the fire

The Christmas tree is up
With gifts galore and sing Christmas carols
all night long
I hung up my coat

Upon the hooks
In the hallway
Black Leather Coat
tassels and buttons
That shine and glow

Every year my Christmas Gifts
Are opened and clothes all hung
In my closet with care.
While all my toys are stored away.

Because love has no boundaries
That this year and every year
We are kind to who we meet
And I lost some along the way.

—Mishelle Goodwin

PAUL: WOW! Thank you everyone! You were just all amazing. Your kindness, support, and poetry has been the best Christmas present I could ever wish for!

I am going to close out the show with a poem of mine that contains a callback to the first poem I read tonight (see if you can catch it). By the way, the poem is an hodgenelle, a poetry form I created inspired by one of my poetry idols, John Hodgen:

I’m Not Santa

It doesn’t mean I’m Santa just because I wear a white beard,
It seems I can’t even walk down the street without being jeered
With Ho Ho Ho’s by nasty little brats, their faces smeared
With jam. Adults even worse, drunk, voices slurred, all-teared
Up, whining I never brought them a certain doll or multi-geared
Erector set. What would they do if I turned to them and sneered
“It doesn’t mean I’m Santa just because I wear a white beard,

And don’t try to climb upon my lap – that would just be weird!”?
My facial hair is real, I’m no mall Santa with fake whiskers adhered
To my cheeks with spirit gum. It might be easier if I sheared
The whole thing off, but I won’t. I have persevered,
Endured stupid jokes about reindeer and elves, silently steered
Past taunting teens. St. Nick’s a figure, not to be mocked, but feared.
It doesn’t mean I’m Santa just because I wear a white beard,

Yet all my tormentors, one day, might find themselves speared
With sprigs of holly through their hearts, or basted and seared
Over an open flame like a Christmas goose, or simply disappeared
Down a chimney. So now that we have this matter all cleared,
Please don’t Santa me anymore! I’d much rather be King Leared,
(Or from all you poets) Walt Whitmanned or John Greenleaf Whittiered.
It doesn’t mean I’m Santa just because I wear a white beard.

––Paul (“I’m Not Santa“) Szlosek

Wow, I’m getting really groggy (It must be all the glogg)! It’s been a rough year for all for us, but you, my dearest friends, made it bearable for me with all your kindness, support, and poetry! So thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hopefully Ron and I will see you all in January ( if I don’t end up hibernating like a polar bear – pardon the poor pun, but I did say “bearable”). Please keep Ron and his wife in your prayers and hearts, stay safe and healthy, and have the most fantastic, stupendous, and amazing New Year humanly possible!